The Everything Guide to Anger Management by Robert Puff & James Seghers

Author:Robert Puff & James Seghers
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: F+W Media

They also obscure core issues (you felt hurt). In contrast, speak from the heart, offering genuine emotional transparency. Be willing to share real, primary feelings. Emotionally transparent requests that share the true reasons for the request are far more likely to motivate the listener to act than accusatory requests.

How to Assertively Respond to Criticism

There are various ways of reacting when you are criticized. You may become angry and indignant, seeking to punish the other person. This is an aggressive response, communicating a message of “I count, you don’t.” You may respond very little, even seeming to accept the criticism, only to retaliate later by avoiding the other person, gossiping about him, or engaging in covert activities intended to harm or annoy. This is an “I count and you don’t, but I’m not going to tell you” style. You may feel intimidated, frightened, or guilty, readily accepting blame even when it is undeserved. This kind of reaction is consistent with a “You count, I don’t” perspective.

As an alternative to these kinds of reactions, you have the option of adopting an assertive approach that embodies an equitable “we both count equally” perspective:

Take ownership. If the criticism is true, acknowledge that. Excuses, evasions, and reactive counterattacks make you look weak, and they only complicate the situation further. It is okay to explain yourself, but start by accepting personal responsibility wherever that is appropriate.

Look for common ground. Even if you find little in the criticism that you find credible, try to find something, however small, that you can agree with. Gestures like this are very meaningful, because they communicate to the other person that you aren’t just out to oppose her, but are instead making a genuine effort to look at your possible mistakes.

Make good use of active listening and empathy responding.

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